awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
