I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
