just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
