Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
