We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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