oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
