who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize