Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize