she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
