i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
