just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
