I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
