if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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