Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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