I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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