When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
