it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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