Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
