I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
