u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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