I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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