worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
