I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
