my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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