you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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