I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
