You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
