i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When did angry sex become our thing?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
