so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize