just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
