life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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