it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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