she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am one with the molecules
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
