Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
