and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
