Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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