you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
