I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
