My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
