i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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