i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
