Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
