I faked an abortion last night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize