i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
