so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
