im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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