It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
