I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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