I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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