you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
