Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
