It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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