Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
