remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We have started to decorate penises.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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