i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
