so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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