Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
