dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
did i walk over a car last night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He better not be in your backpack
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can you bring me the toilet please
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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