you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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