so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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