How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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