The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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