And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize