Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
