Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
