whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
