please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
