Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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