Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
how drunk are you?
Several
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
