Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
