We named our party play list daddy issues
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
