I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
