If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I look better un-naked...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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